It is human nature to compare ourselves to each other, so much so that we are taught not to “covet thy neighbour’s Ox.”
The advent of social media has made this all too easy, and I, like many, have realised the deep sense of envy that these platforms can create within us, sometimes even leading to a real sense of worthlessness.
I am as flawed as any other of this. On a surface level, I catch myself feeling jealous when someone flashes their new Gucci bag or uploads snaps lounging in First Class, or relaxing in the sun in an idyllic location far away. On a deeper level, I feel envious as I was friends graduate from top universities (with a customary family photo to match), getting married, having babies, and just generally seeming to be picture perfect.
I myself am guilty of being an avid user of social media; I have chosen to write about my life on this blog (although only for positive purposes), and I share pictures of my fiancé and me, friends, family, and other memories from my globe-trotting adventures.
Social media, however, is dangerous. Whilst we may all seek to portray ourselves as having the most amazing lives, it is important to remember that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. All too often we find ourselves believing that the grass is always greener on the other side; we feel unfulfilled as we constantly watch others portray what is of course a heavily edited version of their life. How often do we search for those ‘Instagram worthy’ shots without actually noticing the fun we are having? How much time do we spend mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Tik Tok, impatiently refreshing when there is nothing new to look at?
Comparison can be a hard topic to understand, and yet we all succumb to it in one way or another. For those of us with Eating Disorders, or any other Mental Illness that affects social interaction, this effect can be much worse. In treatment, be surrounded by those in similar situations ought to be a place of growth, but it can often lead to strong feelings of hatred (only temporarily), jealousy, and feeling cheated on by one another.
Only the other day, at my treatment centre, I had a ‘meltdown’ characteristic of a 3 year old child, over my belief that I had been given more on my plate than others.
How dare they make my plate the biggest?
Does being given more mean that I am bigger, therefore meaning I require more food?
How dare the dietitian sit there and claim we all have the same?
I was adamant we didn’t.
I was acting irrationally.
Later on, still angry, the dietitian sat me down quietly, and asked me why I cared. All the meals prepared are supposed to be the same, but even if they are slightly different, why on earth does it matter? My mood carried on throughout the day and into dinner. I was obsessively looking around to see if anyone had been given a portion that was smaller than mine. As I went home, I felt rather ashamed that, at the age of 25, I got so worked up over a plate of lunch, it had ruined over my day. It was ridiculous.
After that exhausting day, I reassured myself that I am on my OWN journey, and comparing myself to others will not get nowhere. Being in treatment with a load of other people with eating disorders does pose its difficulties. Watching others lose weight when you know they are meant to be gaining, or knowing they are meant to be having two biscuits when accidentally they have been given one, can really add to the list of one’s own problems! In the ‘real world,’ someone might question whether a group of highly competitive anorexics should be put in a room together. However, the effect is overwhelmingly positive. I have made real and lasting connections with some truly amazing people. We have seen each either at our best and worst, including crying over a piece of toast! The fact that we are all in similar situations means that we just ‘get’ each other. We all know when someone is refusing their portion of potatoes that there is something going on deeper than the poor potato, and they are transferring their feelings onto it. We also know, that we have developed a sense of understanding of each other that people on the ‘outside’ may not. It can be hard to picture what it is really like, but over the years I have made many lasting relationships that I will forever treasure. Yes, comparison can be rife in treatment centres, but beneath this, in our small bubble, it teaches us how to navigate comparison in the wider world.
Growing up a millennial can bring many an issue. However, we also have to remember that there are benefits to the ever-changing world we live in. We always have to remember that a picture on Instagram is only a picture. It does not always necessarily reflect how that person is. We can judge neither others nor ourselves. It is important to constantly remind ourselves that on whatever path our life takes us, we are creating our own lives. Someone once pointed out to me that Usain Bolt doesn’t look side to side as he crosses the finish line; he is not comparing himself to others. Rather, he is focusing on his end goal. In order to really be at peace with ourselves, and our own lives, we need to ensure we concentrate solely on how we grow as people, and remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side.
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