Hello from the new Mrs N!! Can’t quite believe it’s all over and we are finally husband and wife!
It’s often second nature for new couples to say they’re on on cloud nine. Yes, cloud nine could exist, but nothing is smooth sailing. I don’t believe anyone that says it is. For me, it really has been amazing and I’m loving my ‘new’ life as a wife, but I guess beneath these fluffy clouds seemingly made of candy floss will always lie some honest feelings. In truth, my eating disorder kicked in hard straight after the wedding. I’ve never lived away from home (apart from my gap year which didn’t end too well), and to suddenly be waking up in a different environment was hard.
Yes, I have my amazing husband and he’s been incredible throughout, but for someone who’s pretty bad with change, it hasn’t been so easy. For the first month, I barely walked inside the kitchen. I just couldn’t get used to it. I was just about ok grabbing some water, and running out again. For some bizarre reason, I had this ‘thing’ about my new kitchen. It sounds quite weird I know, and my kitchen externally is gorgeous and all brand new. However , I had this mental block in my mind which prevented me from cooking or preparing anything. This then meant that my eating disorder slightly spiralled.
I’ve been so happy being married and finally being able to live the life S and I have been waiting so patiently for. Yet, my anorexia has been strong. It’s been quite a battle in my head and I have to keep reminding myself that I refuse to ever be in a position to allow my eating disorder to interrupt my marriage. I was fortunate that a member of staff at my treatment centre where I still receive help, came over to my new home and basically forced me to learn how to turn the oven on, and even get used to making coffee! It sounds pathetic, but I guess that was the situation, and was the help I needed.
Fast forward nearly six months, and I’ve become quite the Jewish housewife. I’ve (somehow) managed to have lots of family and friends round for meals and tea parties- something which I’ve always dreamt of, yet never believed I would be able to. I really had no idea I could cook!! I pictured giving everyone food poisoning (apologies if I have and you never came forward). I must even say I’m proud of myself, given that only a short while ago, I had a fear of the kitchen and imagined only eating crackers and Coke Zero in my new home. Well how wrong I was.
It’s taken time, but with using the right communication skills, I have managed to successfully overcome many a hurdle. Life is never perfect, yet I know I am incredibly lucky. I’m fortunate to have had all the support around me and always will continue to appreciate it. Marriage is all about learning and building on what you have, and however well you think you know each other, more often than not, S and I both learn new things every day. I never thought marriage would solve everything, but I did know it would eventually give me a reason to continue to fight my eating disorder. It’s my biggest motivation and gives me every reason to not lose hope.
Six months down, and forever to go. 💓
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