When discussing my illness with friends and family, I get asked a multitude of questions. They range from my own attitudes towards food, my weight, and if ‘I see myself as fat.’ I understand why people might not see further than the typical descriptions of Anorexia and other mental illnesses, as they are so often portrayed in the media on a surface-level basis only. I wanted to shed some light on specific misconceptions that I have had assumed about me, and hopefully clear up any unknown misinterpretations of what eating disorders are really about.
1. Anorexia is not a diet gone wrong.
This is SO far from it! I never set out on a diet personally. Yes, there might be sufferers out there who may have experienced this, but generally, amongst the people I have met, the roots of their illness lie much deeper and their eating disorder has developed through a lack of their needs being met.
2. Only white middle-class females can develop an eating disorder.
It is true, that in health settings there tend to be more women than men. Yet through meeting a handful in treatment (I say a handful because it is more rare for men than women to reach out), I have come to learn about the hurdles they have jumped through in order to access treatment, as well as a diagnosis. I met a patient once who told me, on his first GP visit years ago to explain his evident symptoms of Bulimia, that he was told ‘men don’t get eating disorders.’ I was left feeling so upset and infuriated that this poor man had to wait for years in order to get the help he deserved. Furthermore, as common as it is to start developing an eating disorder in your teens, it is possible to start suffering later on in life. You do not need to come from a privileged background, nor do you need to be a certain ethnicity. Eating disorders are not limited to a certain demographic of the population. However, the lack of access to NHS (or other Public) treatment, means that those who are less well off are often unable to obtain treatment
3. Eating disorder sufferers believe they are ‘fat’.
This is true to a certain extent, yet beneath the word ‘fat’ arrives a whole deeper meaning. Personally, sub-consciously I throw around the statement that I feel fat. Side note: fat is not a feeling. When I look further into why I say that, there is so much more. I often cover up my true feelings and focus on superficial thoughts that might be easier to focus on, hence believing that my body is not good enough. Furthermore, I suffer from body dysmorphia, as do many others. What I see in a mirror, is apparently far from the truth. I often question whether what I see is real, as I truly believe what I see is fact. However, I have been told time and time again, that I am not seeing the ‘real’ picture in the mirror.
4. Once you are weight-restored, you are better.
I think this belief is one of the most infuriating to someone suffering. In fact, it is the times when I have managed to reach a healthy weight, when the true negative feelings begin to surface. As I have mentioned before, being a low weight can numb your true emotions, leading to an ‘easier’ way in avoiding them. In the past, when I have left hospital a healthy weight, I have felt my worst. People around me suddenly think I’m better and cured, as looking at me and from the outside, I look ‘cured.’ The journey through recovery is much more complex, and a low weight is only a symptom of the illness, rather than the sole cause.
5. People with anorexia hate food.
I actually love food! I could talk about it for days. I spend ages scouring the internet for mouth-watering pictures of meals, menus and restaurants. I could spend ages wandering the aisles of supermarkets, desperately wishing I could buy what I am looking at. However, instead I would feel a strong sense of guilt if I bought it, and instead just choose to look at them. In a way, these behaviours could be considered ‘food porn.’ In treatment, countless times we are told to stop talking about food, obsessing over delicious pictures of cakes and cookies. If we ate them, that would be a different story. I also love going to new restaurants. I get excited when one opens. My only issue is when I actually get there… or when I order what I want, and It arrives… only to push the food around the plate, only letting myself have a few small bites, much to the frustration of others. Moreover, I have a big sweet tooth! This may seem like an oxymoron, but having anorexia doesn’t mean you don’t like dessert!
6. To have an eating disorder, you have to be severely underweight.
I think when I was younger, I believed that. Yet through meeting such a variety of sufferers along the way, this belief was proved wrong. Sufferers with bulimia or binge eating disorder for example, can present with a normal weight. Through binging and purging, they too can become seriously physically unwell. Again, a low weight is just ONE of the symptoms of an eating disorder. I also often hear others saying they ‘wish’ they at least would look unwell, so their symptoms would be noticeable to others. I think personally with me, since I have struggled with communication, weight loss has been a clever tool. If I am losing weight, people suddenly notice, and I appear unwell on the exterior, and I think I will be listened to.
I could list countless more misconceptions. I understand why people who don’t have first-hand experience of eating disorders might believe these statements. I hope through sharing them, others are starting to understand further the complexity of this illness.
I also want to thank all of those who have reached out to me. I have been completely blown away by each and every one of you, especially those who don’t know me and have bravely shared what they or someone close to them is going through. Please do reach out if needed (although I am not a therapist myself!), as I think sharing and speaking to others is key in fighting this battle.
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